Bear With Me

Okay, so last week in Family Relations class we touched on the subject of homosexuality and same-gender attraction. I absolutely LOVE my teacher because he is so kind and loving. He will not label anyone the term "gay" because he feels it demeans them as a person and instead gives them a label. I completely agree with that. I will not deem anyone as "gay." The person themselves may feel obliged to label or call themselves that, but I, for one, will not.

We touched on the subject that same-sex attraction and homosexuality are two different things. I was confused at first by this claim, but then as we talked about it more, it all made sense. Same-sex attraction can happen to anyone and maybe will happen to a lot of people, even if they do not feel the feelings for very long. Homosexuality is when the person acts upon the feelings they feel, not just accepting that they're there. To expound a little on what I've learned, I'll tell you all something very incredibly interesting. A big, deep and long debate has been going on in knowing whether or not a person is born with same-sex attraction. What we learned in class is that, in most cases, many people who are dealing with this struggle have usually been molested at an early age, had a smothering mother, or they never felt that intimate relationship with the same gender growing up-such as having a good, solid friend of the same sex, a peer group who accepted them, etc.

I found this to be extremely bizarre. I had never thought of anything like this! It makes a lot of sense though. Think about it, bear with me here, that if a little boy who grew up and had some female tendencies (as most little boys do) but was not accepted by his male peers because of those tendencies, he immediately feels rejected and starved for those intimate relationships. Sure, he can try to seek them out through female peer groups, but it's never the same. Pretty soon, after being called many things from his peers (or even his parents, more specifically his father), he deems himself to be "gay" and then seeks out to act on that label. It doesn't always happen this way, but if we look into the back stories of those we know who feel this way, we can usually find some very interesting things.

I know that this is a very, very touchy subject and that many of you won't accept what I've had to say. And that's okay, I just wanted to share my findings with you. I love all of my friends who are struggling with this and I don't know what to tell them. I love them so much and appreciate the strength that they've had to go through. From class last week, I know that my teacher loves all of them too and only wants to help in the best way possible. From these findings, I want to encourage those who are struggling to step back and see when they first "discovered" they had homosexual tendencies and to ponder on maybe why that happened or how they came to know that about themselves.

If this offended any of you, that was not my purpose and I am sincerely sorry. I am just opening this subject up to be talked and discussed about in a calmly manner and for both sides to be open minded. I thank everyone in advance for bearing with me through this very touchy subject.

Culture Differences

Hey all! So last week we learned about the struggles a marriage can have because of culture differences. Not just differences in ethnicity backgrounds, but also financial backgrounds. If someone comes from a wealthy background, it's usually very hard for them to integrate into a relationship when the partner comes from a less-wealthy family. Arguments on what to spend the money on arises, how to obtain the money, and what is the necessities in life.

For example, if a woman came from a wealthier background and married a middle income man, her image of an ideal living situation would probably be different than the man's. His job would most likely provide for just the bare necessities to survive on, maybe a few things for fun here and there, but ultimately, she would be in a situation that was way different than how she grew up.

I found this to be extremely interesting and fascinating. I want to know if any of you have been or have seen situations like this. How did it make you feel? What difficulties arose? How did you handle those differences? Did you change your perception on what was important? How did this make your family member/spouse feel?

There are so many different situations that arise when it comes to financial stability and I'd love to hear everyone's views on this! I'd love to hear opposing views to this as well!

Family Systems

Hello again! I'm going to be writing two posts today because I forgot to upload one last week about what I learned! It was very interesting! It consisted of family systems and their value to the family unit. There are 4 family theories that we learned about:

-Systems Theory: relationships analyzed as a whole, parts influence each other. There are roles and rules. A lot of the time homeostatic mechanisms are used to keep things in our families in check and keep them the same. An example would be if a sibling was always a troublemaker but wanted to change but the family still sees them as the troublemaker.
-Exchange Theory: an attempt to keep costs lower than rewards, or otherwise, "you owe me one" mentality.
-Symbolic Theory: shaped by interaction experiences. I think a lot of families use this theory because everyone has interactions with others.
-Conflict Theory: societies characterized by inequality. This is when an authoritative figure overpowers most of the family.

These systems made me evaluate my own family and the systems that I've seen used throughout my life. My family has definitely used Systems Theory, Symbolic Theory and at times have used Conflict Theory.

What systems have your family used?

Commenter Insights

I'd love to share with you what one commenter said about my last post. It was extremely insightful and I absolutely loved it. Shout out again to Ted! Thank you so much for your comment!

  "I prefer to say that marriage requires effort rather than that marriage is hard. "Hard" implies unrewarding, painful, and/or undesirable. That may be in part why so many people avoid it. We don't paint the right picture of what marriage is or can be like.

From what I understand of marriage, I believe that if two emotionally healthy people, young or old, go into a marriage with accurate expectations, most of the time it isn't going to be a painful experience. The unexpected still occurs and sometimes even people we feel we know well do unexpected and hurtful things. But while marriage requires a sense of balance and a willingness to serve, most of the time it is (or can be) the best support system in the world, and the most enjoyable and rewarding way to experience life.

One might say life is "hard," regardless of what one does. It's easier with a dedicated and loving spouse (and harder with an uncommitted and uncaring spouse). So it would seem reasonable to seek one with whom a happy marriage would not be especially difficult to achieve, and to put in the required time and effort to continually achieve it."

Isn't that just incredible? If we portray that marriage requires effort instead of "how hard" it is, we can revolutionize marriage and the family! We can help people realize that marriage is so rewarding and enjoyable, as long as the required effort is put into it. A saying I really like and have learned is this: "What you put into marriage is what you'll get out of it." What a great life pointer to have! If you don't put any effort into your marriage, it will be unfulfilled, not enjoyable, and you'll be completely miserable. Both spouses need to put in full effort in order to gain rewards in the end.

Marriage Trends

Today we live in a world that doesn't support the family unit as much as it should. Many worldly trends have come about, such as cohabitation, premarital sex, partnerships, delaying marriage, delaying a family/children, etc. Why has our world come to this? Why hasn't the family unit stayed intact? I think a reason might be because we as a nation aren't willing to work hard for a successful marriage. We as Americans are a lazy people who rely so much on technology and new inventions. Marriage is a hard and tricky lifestyle to master-if you can even say you can "master" marriage. I think that we try and take the easy way out. Instead of committing to marriage, we decide to cohabit with someone. Instead of starting a family with our spouse, we put it off, claiming we aren't financially ready for it. No one will ever be financially ready for children! Why prolong giving a child a life just because you won't be financially comfortable? This is where we go wrong. Our own selfish desires get in the way of making sacrifices. We need to make it known to the world that families are important! Families are the basic, fundamental unit of life, love and happiness! If you want to read more about why the family unit is important, click here.

Help the world know about this importance! Share with your friends the beauty of the family! I invite everyone, both young and old, male and female, bond and free to join in this movement of supporting the family unit.